How Leaders Shape Conflict Resolution in the Workplace

Oct 21

3 min read

As a founder or leader, your approach to conflict sets the entire tone for your organization. Understanding your conflict style and those of your team members can be the difference between dysfunction and collaborative success.

The Five Conflict Styles (Plus One)

According to the Thomas-Kilmann model, there are five primary conflict styles that people naturally gravitate toward. However, I believe there's a sixth style that deserves recognition:

Avoiding – Some people sidestep conflict entirely because confrontation feels too uncomfortable. While this may reduce immediate tension, it often allows problems to fester.

Confronting – I believe Kilmann left this style out, and with the internet growing, it needs to be examined more. This is directly tackling the problem whether in the moment or within a technology capacity email, text, or other digital platforms. This type of communication style is sometimes done in an impulsive way to get one's feelings out; other times it is done to get the information heard and see what the response will be. From the response of the other party, a decision will be made on how to move forward. This can be skillful or unskillful.

Accommodating – This style prioritizes harmony by yielding to others' preferences. While it can create the appearance of peace, it often silences important perspectives that need to be heard.

Competing – This approach focuses on winning at all costs, often manifesting in the victim-predator-rescuer triangle. I'm reminded of a story about a leader who constantly tries to position themselves as the biggest victim in any situation. When shown images of actual war victims, they had nothing to say because the narrative couldn't center on them. This style can sometimes reflect darker personality patterns.

Compromising – Finding middle ground can be wise, but not always. The 2016 Wells Fargo scandal showed us what happens when leaders compromise ethics, telling employees to "do whatever it takes to get the sale, even if it isn't legal." However, compromise shines in situations like negotiating hybrid work arrangements where an employer wants full-time office presence and employees prefer remote work.

Collaborating – This style seeks solutions that genuinely work for everyone involved. It's about listening, understanding, and creating outcomes where all parties feel respected and heard.

Shifting the Focus in Leadership Development

We hear constantly about servant leadership and transformational leadership. But what if leadership conferences directed some of their focus toward conflict resolution styles? Collaboration is exactly what's needed when navigating the increasing conflicts we face in today's workplace.

If a founder operates from a collaborative conflict style, they're unlikely to hire a leader who embodies a competing style and for good reason. The misalignment would undermine the entire organizational culture.

Questions Every Leader Should Ask

To better understand how you and your team approach conflict, consider these questions:

"When tension arises in our team, what approach feels most respectful to you: direct discussion, private check-in, or group problem-solving?"

Your answer reveals how you view cultural and personal differences in conflict perception.

"Do you feel our team tends to avoid, compete, accommodate, compromise, or collaborate when conflict comes up?"

This question provides insight into navigating each person's individual conflict style. When you understand these patterns, frustration decreases because you know where everyone stands.

"Can you share an example of when conflict here was handled well and what made it feel successful?"

This helps identify what actually works in your specific environment.

Understanding the Complexity

Remember: conflict styles aren't one-size-fits-all. Past trauma, how we process belonging, personal narratives, and numerous other factors can shift how someone responds to conflict.

I recently experienced this firsthand in a conflict where I moved through different responses based on the information available at each stage. Because we both listened to each other, we ultimately collaborated on a solution. This is why understanding how you and your team process information around conflict is vital.

The Leader's Advantage

As a leader, if you take the time to document in story form how you and or your team members respond to, react to, and process conflict, you set everyone up for more successful communication. Why? Because you can speak not just to the situation, but directly to what each individual needs.

In a world where conflicts are becoming more frequent and sometimes even violent, leaders play a crucial role in shaping how conflict is addressed in the workplace. Your conflict style matters. Your team's conflict styles matter. And the intersection of these styles will determine whether your organization thrives or merely survives.

Want to learn more about navigating conflict styles and bringing healthier resolution to your team?

Reach out to The Needs Languages to explore how you can transform conflict into collaboration.