About Nicole
The Story Behind The Needs Languages™
THE NEEDS LANGUAGES™ – ABOUT PAGE
Picture this: You're driving through Montana on a road trip in 2020, surrounded by more cows than people (seriously, Montana has more cattle than humans). You and your co-collaborator are deep in conversation about why some people connect at work while others constantly clash.
Then it hits you: most frameworks focus on behavior, but behavior is just the surface. What if you could understand how people process belonging, connection, and conflict at a deeper level?
That's where The Needs Languages™ was born on an open highway, with curious cows as your accidental focus group.
A few weeks later, you're driving back through the Columbia River Gorge, and the sky turns apocalypse orange. Smoke is so thick you can barely see the road. The 2020 fires had hit the Pacific Northwest, and suddenly that conversation about communication and clarity became visceral. When you can't see through the fog, whether it's wildfire smoke or workplace conflict, you need the right tools to navigate. Without them, you're just stuck, hoping it clears.
The Lived Story Behind the Framework
Nicole Shir built The Needs Languages™ because she's lived both sides of the story.
She's part of a rare form of neurodivergence, only 3–4% of the U.S. population, and spent years hearing, "You're brilliant, you work hard, but… something's missing." When she first entered college, she struggled not because she lacked intelligence or drive, but because the systems around her didn't match how she processed information.
Then everything changed. With the right frameworks in place, she completed her master's degree in just six months with honors. That transformation showed her what happens when people are given the right code for how they process the world.
And just to be clear, it’s not about computer code. It's about human code: how people communicate, connect, and interpret meaning.
Because people don't fail from lack of ability, they fail when they're given the wrong code to operate in. The same is true for companies. When both sides are running incompatible systems, the whole program crashes. And when that happens, it's not just productivity that suffers; it's people.
Nicole saw this pattern everywhere.
Brilliant employees are told they "don't fit." HR teams are overwhelmed trying to support people without the right frameworks. Conflicts are spreading like the ash from Mt. St. Helens carried far beyond the original eruption, coating department after department, and costing exponentially more to clean up than to prevent.
So she built a system that gives both sides the right code.
What The Needs Languages™ Does
The Needs Languages™ helps people understand how they process belonging so they can create a real connection.
It's grounded in conflict resolution, organizational psychology, communication, and years of research on how people connect and interpret connections. Because while everyone seeks belonging, what belonging means and how we express or interpret it depends on culture, ability, and identity.
Two people can both be thinking, "I'm doing what's best," yet interpret "best" completely differently based on their lived experience. When we understand that difference, we can respond instead of react, and connection becomes collaboration.
Nicole's work approaches disability and accessibility through a disability-first intersectional lens, examining how overlapping parts of a person's identity (like race, gender, generation, and whether their disability is visible or invisible) shape how they experience belonging. This perspective helps organizations move beyond one-size-fits-all models built around a cis white male norm, creating environments that actually work for everyone.
For HR and decision-makers, that means fewer misunderstandings, faster resolution, and healthier teams. It reduces trauma, improves communication, and saves time because when people feel seen and systems are aligned, collaboration becomes the default.
It's not about changing people. It's about giving everyone, the employee and the employer, the right code so they can work together successfully.
Why Nicole's Approach Works
Nicole has lived in both worlds: the employee told she doesn't fit, and the consultant helping HR leaders navigate impossible conflicts. That dual perspective is what makes her approach different. She's not just teaching theory, she's giving both sides the tools to read the warning signs, cut through the fog, and move from surviving to thriving.
MS in Industrial/Organizational Psychology, BA in Business & Conflict Resolution
2x TEDx Speaker, SHRM, SIOP, and Academic speaker.
Imagine Your Team with the Right Code
Managers who understand how different people process belonging. HR teams who spot warning signs before conflicts erupt. Employees with frameworks that actually match how they function. Organizations that move from misalignment to alignment and create thriving teams.
You don't have to survive workplace challenges. With the right tools, you can thrive through them.