Leadership, Followership, and the Need for Belonging
Just for a moment, let's set aside politics and instead focus on what truly drives us: the universal need for love and belonging. These fundamental human desires are often overlooked when we analyze leadership, but they profoundly shape both leaders and their followers. My upcoming book explores this very idea, examining how a leader's personal story, their beliefs, past experiences, and vulnerabilities impact those they lead.
Consider the late political activist, Charlie Kirk. He was a leader who inspired fierce loyalty in some and strong opposition in others. His leadership style, which often evoked intense emotions, was a direct reflection of his personal experiences. To understand why he led the way he did, we have to look beyond his public persona.
During a college tour, Kirk's message to students was often, "Prove me wrong." This invitation wasn't just a debate tactic; it was a window into his own history. Researching his background, including a BBC article about his life, revealed a few critical details: Kirk grew up in a prosperous Chicago suburb, dropped out of college, and was rejected from an elite military academy. In his debates with students, he frequently brought up the fact that he didn't have a college degree, almost as a point of pride.
This information is crucial to understanding him as a leader. He grew up surrounded by an emphasis on education and success. Yet, his own path was marked by what he likely perceived as failures, dropping out of college and failing to get into a prestigious military academy. These experiences weren't just facts; they were fractures.
When a person experiences a significant fracture or wound, they often return to it again and again. For Kirk, his debates with college students may have been a way of revisiting and confronting his past, which he didn't want to face or didn't know how to heal. A 31-year-old walking onto a college campus to debate students is highly unusual. It's a behavior that suggests a deep, unresolved connection to his own educational journey. He was likely driven by a need to prove himself, to validate his chosen path despite his past setbacks and current successes.
Leaders with unhealed wounds often lead from that place of pain. This doesn't just shape their actions; it creates a powerful, usually unspoken connection with their followers. People who feel unheard or wounded can be drawn to leaders who openly acknowledge and operate from their own fractures.
This is just one piece of a larger framework I've been developing. After understanding the "shattering" moments in a leader's life, we can then analyze their personal narratives and their "care languages" to predict their actions and understand why they resonate so deeply with their followers. This framework provides a fresh perspective on understanding the intricate dynamics between leaders and their followers.
To learn more about this work and the training I've been developing, you can reach out to theneedslanuages.com
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cdxqnkwerj7o
